September 22, 1997 -- Hello. I'm back. I'm learning C++.

No, that shouldn't excite you. Unless you're a C.S. major.

But onto the rest of my life. I'm much happier at Binghamton than I ever was at Hofstra. Maybe because I don't feel like a stagehand at a fashion show anymore. Maybe because I found people here who didn't dismiss me at first glance. Maybe because I live a ten minute walk from campus. Maybe it's because my boyfriend is here to cry to if I feel alone. ;) I'm not going to try and figure out why I like it better here. I'll just settle for I DO like it better here.

Today was the first day I was actually really chilly on campus when I was dressed for the weather. It was kinda cool today. But the sun was out and it was overall a nice day.

I had lunch with Ray today...I can't recall if he's on my friends page or not. Probably not. Ray and I met about five years ago and about a year into our hanging out, we got in a fight. And we've been waring since. But in the past year we both stopped being so immature and tried ignoring each other for a while. Now, somehow, we can talk, joke around, and even have fun together in small doses. Surprizing, but true. Sometimes you just have to avoid someone to get along again. Of course, there are still people you just have to ignore all the time. Some people stay weenies.

Right now I have two candles burning...the little chubby kinds. One smells like "energy" and the other is sun-ripened raspberries from Bath&Body Works. I like candles. They make my room smell sweet, their light is relaxing to watch, and they make me feel either creative or tired. I'm also listening to the soundtrack to Empire Records. It's really cool, in case anyone out there likes soundtracks. I have about 200 cds, at least 50 of which were soundtracks, last I counted. I like the variety of bands I get to hear. I have a few bands that I love almost anything they do, and I like two songs from dozens of other bands. This soundtrack has some really rockin' tunes, but it's mostly the happy mellow stuff -- Toad the Wet Sprocket, Gim Blossoms, The Cranberries, The Innocence Mission, and others. It suits my mood nicely.

All of today I was slightly uptight, and I'm not sure why. But now, sitting alone in my room, trying to type with the fake nails I got for the wedding I went to this weekend, with this music, and the candles in my dim room I feel so much better. I'm not afraid of Orgo anymore. I'm not afraid of Bio. I'm not worried about CS. I feel like I can handle it, and I certainly haven't felt like that in a while. I've felt like everything would outpace the work I did, like I could never catch up. But now I feel like it'll be tough, but I can do it. I like that feeling....having challenges I can tackle.

I think Ray cheered me up a bunch. Even though he's someone I haven't been close to in quite a while, I felt like he was going through the same stuff. I guess talking to Ray let me know I wasn't going crazy. It's always nice to make sure you're still sane. And Ray is blatanty honest, a quality I greatly admire in certain instances:

"Does my web page make me look like a dingbat
air-head who thinks she's perfect?"
"Yes."
"But did I get the Java right?"
"Yes."
"Am I going crazy?"
"No."