Damn. That's one of those games you either don't play or devote all your time and energy to.

I've decided that I probably won't work over the summer. I just don't have the time. But I may take an extra course at Nassau...we'll see. I won't sign up until the last minute though. I don't want to find myself with 16 credits over the summer AND end up with a job too. I'd go completely freakin' mad!!!

I was talking to Brian today as we walked through the mall so I could celebrate getting my refund check from Uncle Sam with a new pair of sunglasses (finally!). I could barely see through the pair I've been using. And I had a GREAT silver pair that I left in Squirt, Ann used it, and they were GONE! Bah! Anyway...I was talking to Brian and...

Mom, if you read this, shame on you for not mentioning it!
And by the way, I'm a really real grown-up and all.
And by the way, you may want to stop reading right here. You won't understand a word of what I have to say next. It's that mom thing.

I've always found women attractive. Other women are very very beautiful. I have just as much porn on my hard drive as Brian does, and I think I may have more pictures of pretty chicks. I have been known to get aroused by those pictures. I'm not a lesbian, as you can see from my relationship with Brian, but I don't really think I'm bisexual either. So you can all breathe a sigh of relief as Kathy make a bold statement.

Women are beautiful. Why the hell SHOULDN'T they turn me on?

Brian already knew all that. He's even going to share a photo program that's really wicked awesome with me so I can browse my porn more easily and get rid of the crap. And boy, do I have a lot of crap.

You see, I hate the skinny nothing people that most of the pictures are of. Tall, skinny beyond all reason, and blond. No, that's NOT what I like. Shorter, dark hair, and full-figured. I don't mean huge breasts or FAT, but I don't like to see ribs. I can see my own ribs, and it's my least favorite thing about my body. I have nice fleshy legs and a nice tush, but I can see my ribs. I'm working on gaining some weight, but I'm exercising (however little and however useless it is!) so I don't get FAT when I finally do gain some weight. By full-figured, in today's world, I mean a healthy looking person with a little bit of weight to them. Someone with a cute body. Maybe not as stereotypically sexy, but cute. I can't stand these anorexia-nervosa poster children everywhere.

I also like men with a little meat on them. Brian's getting there. He's always been slender and muscular, but he's getting a few more pounds in the middle where I can grab. Don't think I mean he's getting a pot belly (He'd have a fit!!!)...just filling in the skinny guy curve. To the sides, y'know. Love handles, but not.

Ooooo...I love bellies. Squishy and fun. Oooooo....ESPECIALLY Brian's belly.

Jeeze. How out of charater. Spilling my guts like that and all. I guess I'm just comfortable with my mom maybekindasorta being able to see this now. Considering I told her I'm going to get the pill. And My parents started to tell me about all their college drinking stories. And I may be living with Brian next semester and they know it, and they didn't argue. I feel like they're kindasortamaybe letting be finally be an adult and really ACT like one a little. I'm not all the way there yet. When I move out and have a job that pays my own rent, then I think I'll be a really real adult. Until then quasi-pseudo-whatever-adulthood is fine by me.