Where does all the bitterness come from?

I was chatting with Ray today, and I posed that question to myself. Why am I openly hostile toward people who have been out of my life for a few months now?

I couldn't understand it. Why should I care what happens with, for example, Knoler's life or Kathy's life, when neither of them want me alive?

That thought, of course, answered itself.

They don't want me alive.

With them, it's not just that they don't seem to care whether I live or die. They'd rather I not appear in anyone's life ever again.

That's why I'm bitter. They legitimately hate me, and I can't deal with the thought of people hating me. I'm just not used to it. People usually like me. But somehow, these two people, along with Megan, managed to work up such a mindset that they began to detest me. So while I don't usually hold grudges anymore, I guess that's one thing I still hold a grudge for: anyone who hates me.

That's a load off my mind.