Why keep going?

Why do I keep writing entries blasting someone I haven't spoken to, or heard from, in roughly a year and a half?

I honestly don't know. Probably because Kathy's the only person who's playing the childish "I'm not speaking to you" game. Even Megan outgrew that. Maybe it's because she refuses to mention my accusations to me or even to anyone else. Maybe it's because to this day has not given me one good reason why I shouldn't think that she's just an obnoxious self-contradicting dependent copycat.

For example, just today, she revised her web page. Now, the journal has moved to the index page, in a frames format. Now, wait, lemme think, I believe somebody else I know recently did the same EXACT thing... oh, right, it was Ray. This isn't a new phenomenon; every time Ray changes his web page, she does too, and she changes it in the same way. I don't really understand it. I wrote one journal entry mimicking Ray. I didn't revamp my page to copy him. I actually did my revamping before he did his, but we did entirely different changes. I hate frames. He used to.

But this is besides the point. I was thinking about this, because I know that it pisses Brian off when I write about Kathy. And I know this sounds a bit silly, but I don't particularly want to piss Brian off. Silly as it sounds, I feel kind of like I owe him for when he got mad because of the various idiotic things that Stone said to me when I met him. Even though we weren't exactly friends, Brian still thought that was a dumb thing for Stone to do. And he was right. So as a result, even though "lines must be drawn," and I can't be friends with Brian because of Kathy's immaturity, I still don't want to particularly bash Brian, or even tick him off. It's almost enough to make me stop the Kathy-bashing.

Fortunately, it doesn't quite cut it.

I tried. I really really did. I sent her an E-mail last Christmas that said something like "Merry Christmas. So what's up?" And she didn't write back. Then 2 months later, I decided that it was about time that she should have gotten over her immature phase, so on Valentine's Day, I wrote an E-mail that said "Happy Valentine's Day, Kathy." But no, the holiday season doesn't make her drop her guard against evil people like me who do things that she does too, like putting pictures of people on their web pages without their permission, only it's morally corrupt when I do it. She thinks I'm pissed at her because she didn't go to my prom. I, to be honest, couldn't care much less about whether or not she went to my prom. I did basically the same thing to Sandra. Sandra asked, I apparently had a funny look on my face (which is a common complaint I get, come to think of it), and she asked Tyler right before I went to accept the next day. So it was kind of like I turned Sandra down for the prom, even though it was unintentional. But Kathy, unlike myself, can't seem to get over this prom thing. She's pissed at ME about something that I couldn't care less about. That's dumb.

And she doesn't write anything about me in her journal. No comebacks, no nothing. Just happy cheery flowery stuff about how similar her chest is to Calista Flockhart's (I'm not going to go there). But she doesn't justify herself, she only proves how contradictory her life is (basically, "yeah, I dumped a guy named Ron who liked comics and video games... of course, I don't know ANYONE now who's into that stuff"). Which is probably just as well for her, because any reply would be so ridiculously false that I would just have to laugh. She'd probably say I was always too whiny. I can vouch for that, and I have, publicly, so it wouldn't be a new revelation. She'd probably throw out some crap about how I'm single. Well, I've mentioned that too. And me delving into her life of relationships would just be playing a game more childish than the one that she's playing, and I just don't want to go there anyway. It's just not my kind of fight.

OK, I'm calm now.

Oh, not anymore though; I just remembered that 2 days ago, a friend of mine actually said that they weren't going to tell me a story because they were afraid I was going to put it on my web page. They can talk to me about anything that pisses them off, I let them get it off their chest, but as soon as a cute anecdote comes to their mind, their secrecy is in jeopardy. Personally, I don't get it. If I haven't written about any of the crap they go through up to now, why would I start with stupid little meaningless stories? Aside from anyone who plays childish baby games with me, I talk about nobody's life but my own. So that pissed me off more than a little bit. (And hey, Witness to the Conversation I'm Talking About, if you decide to keep talking about my journal with everyone in the known universe, I will reach down your throat, rip out your intestines, and feed them to you with a fork and knife.)

Have a Nice Day.

--Lee

P.S. Happy birthday Megan.