July 7, 1998

My mother woke me up today with the newspaper. "Did you know Jeff Goldstein?" My first reactions was something like "What do you mean did?", but I responded with "Yeah, we were in at least two classes every year of highschool. What happened?"

Then she showed me the paper. Even without my glasses I could read the three inch red letters "A Deadly Turn"..."Baldwin man, 20, dies as his watercraft collides with another." He was out where I ski, on a jetski when he was hit by another jetski that was following too close.

Oh god. I knew him. I sat in front of him for four years. The end of 10th grade and all of junior year his running gag was, every day..."Hey Kathy...how's your boyfriend." followed by "Will you go out with me?" It was always a good joke. I always said no. Except one day when I was tired of him and I said "Jeff, honestly. What would you do if I ever said yes?" And always the wise guy, he said "I'd get mad at you for two-timing me." I liked him, even though we never really were friends. Just another running joke in highschool. He was a nice guy with a good sense of humor.

I hardly knew him otherwise. He'd be the person I'd recognise on the street and say "Hi", but I probably wouldn't have anything else to say. But I have a lump in my stomach because I remember him and he's dead. Another accidental death from my grade. The other guy, John, was also in my chem class. I sat behind him. Another nice guy who shouldn't have died. Maybe I'm being over-emotional. I mean, I hadn't seen Jeff since high school, and even in high school we weren't really friends. He signed my yearbook, but I can't remember what he wrote and the book is upstate. There are two less people from my high school class. Two less people my age.

Maybe it's the fact that he was out doing almost the same thing I was doing this weekend. I'm alive and he's dead. I had even said to my mother about all the jetskis flying around this weekend "They aren't going to be more careful until someone dies." Why can't I just be wrong all the time?

Trying to move on without being morbid

In other news, I scanned in some happy pictures of Brian and I. We're such a cute couple. This is us in Walter's car...on the way to Turning Stone I think. We were still okay with his driving then. Ugh...never drive with Walter, even if you can get cute pics of you and your significant other. I'll post the prom pics of my sister tomorrow. These pics are giant! I would have made them smaller but they just look SO cute. You still love me, right?

And this is me again. Fuzzy, blonde, adorable me. Aren't I sweet with that look of complete displeasure at having the stupid camera in my face AGAIN! "This is me, kicking your ass..." The dentist took my picture the other day. Zap. The oral surgeon took my picture today. Zap. Oh...by the way. My jaw isn't getting any worse. YAAAY!!! The stupid biteplate is helping!!! (And the gum binge I went on a while back hasn't done any harm!)

Just for kicks, let's run through the shoulds and shouldn't that I don't and do go by.

• No Gum -- don't follow it, never have. Always tell myself it's bad for me.
  
• No Hard Candy -- Are you joking? No candy? Begone, foul creature!!
  
• Exercises for the jaw -- Never done them. Hate them. They do nothing and make me look silly in the process! Imagine holding your chin and screaming "Yeee....Hawww" over and over and you get the idea what I look like doing these. Very pretty, I assure you.
  
• No loving? -- Okay, it's not a rule...it's something my sister's pals were all ranting about at her party. But it seemed like a rule that sucked more than the rest of them. Think Woody Allen.
  
• Don't bite your nails -- Believe it or not, it's bad for your jaw! Do I avoid biting my nails? Actually, I try to follow this one. One of the few.
  
• Wear the dumb biteplate 24-7 -- No. I won't. I refuse. I lisp when I wear it. I can't eat. I drool. I have enough of a complex about my image as it is, I don't need a plastic bit in my mouth to transform me into a drooling, mumbling freaky person.

Now, some pearls of wisdom to leave you with -- at my sister's party we were playing Mario Kart for N64. We played the Rainbow Road board. Ann's friends thought me wise and hysterical when I described it as a "Technocolor discotheque novocaine nightmare". This is me, sharing the wealth.