I've taken to sending violently obnoixous e-mails to people who spam me. I'm tired of spam. I sent this to the last few folks who spammed me:

Under United States telecommunications law, it's technically illegal to send someone unsolicited advertising over any common carrier telephone, or telephone data device, such as a FAX machine. A computer connected to a modem and a printer can serve as a FAX machine, and can be regarded as a FAX machine. As such, your message is in violation of the Federal Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991, and Collateral Code of Federal Regulations (47 CFR 64.1200). The TCPA allows a private right of action against the sender of unsolicited advertising. The recipient can sue for $500, or actual damages (whichever is greater).

My e-mail is not for your advertisements. I consider this a serious abuse of my e-mail resources and any further advertisements sent from you will be considered harassment and appropriate actions will be taken. Please save me the trouble of contacting the authorities and your internet service provider by discontinuing any correspondence. I have also alerted America Online to this e-mail and further violations may result in the blocking of your address from mailing to America Online addresses.

I have received the following advertisement from the e-mail addresses:

>insert offending addresses here<
>insert offending message here<

Yeah, most of it is total bull...but it's written on the assumption that people who spam are morons. I get a LOT of junk mail. I've had the webmaster@eggwitches.com screen name since...um....damn...at LEAST freshman year of high school. I used to use it a whole lot less than every day back then, back when I would say "MOM!!!! HOW DO I TURN IT OFF!!!" and stuff like that. Yeesh...you get used to the Atari, and they get an 8088. You get used to the 8088 and they get a 486 with OS/2. You finally get the hang of OS/2 and they throw Windows 3.1 at ya!!! It never ends, I tell ya!! I finally get all comfy with Windows 95 and I can beat all the little quirks into submission and BAMN!! Windows 98....

Oh...I'm ranting.

I hate it when that happens. I've had my screen name a long time. I'm on tons of junk e-mail lists. It's no fun. I'm slowly getting rid of the bulk of them...I'm down to 7 or 8 messages a day on average. I WAS getting upwards of 20 a day for a little while.

I'm so pathetic. I'm bored so I open up a file to write a journal entry about boring stuff. Sure...you care about what computers I didn't know how to use growing up. When I sit in a classroom full of people for some CS class, I feel like an idiot. I feel like the only moron who doesn't get it. I do get it, but it takes a minute. Is it just me or does 'Distributed Internet Application" sound REALLY confusing for a minute. I had to ask Brian what the heck that even meant. It's a program like Netscape or Eudora.

Why didn't I get that?

Because my brains are made of tofu and soy milk since I started The Pill.

The Pill is the root of all that is wrong with America. I swear. Millions of women walk around, nauseous, aching, moods wildly swinging this way and that....because of the Pill. I was on this GREAT sleeping schedule...then I started the Pill. Now I get restless and stressed out at night and I can't sleep. The other night the only thing that managed to calm me down was a good long hug from Brian. A big long half hour cuddle. Then I fell asleep.

Brian went home for the weekend and I'm twitching. I need a hug. I need someone to talk to tonight. I'm lonely. This was an awful time for him to leave.

And it's ALL HORMONAL. Thanks to the Pill. I swear...in my whole life I've never had so much estrogen in my flat-chest body.

I lit two candles to try and soothe myself a bit. But I'm so stressed I keep worrying they get tipped over and burn the place down...even though they're both no where near anything to tip them over, and the flames are so tiny they'd be out it the candles so much as wiggled. I tried to put on some music but it was distracting me from reading and I had to turn it off. I have the TV playing a Ranma 1/2 video because the room seems empty without it, but the sound is off. I should crawl into bed and just sleep it away, but the internet is keeping me company with a vaguely sexy X-Men fanfic. Tastefully pornographic. ;)

Ah...a giggly feeling. I'm not so stressed that I can't see how ridiculous X-Men porn is. ;) Maybe I'm snapping out of it. I wish someone was online to talk to. Why is it that everyone is online when I'm dying to grab my mail and slip out unnoticed, but no one's there when I'm lonely?

Suggestions, Questions, Recriminations and Accusations?