Sometimes there's not much better to do than stare at your toes or contemplate the side of a box of Lucky Charms. Sometimes a gallon of orange juice isn't enough for what you have planned....but sometimes it is. Sometimes you want to get in the car and blast the radio and see how fast you can drive and not be struck down by the law...that of the land or that of nature. Sometimes you want a beer to cry into, and sometimes you want that gallon of OJ. Sometimes there's nothing worth watching on TV, and nothing worth reading on the internet, or worth listening to on the radio, or worth eating in the fridge. The only recourse is finding something better.

Sometimes that's hard to do.

I haven't been in a very good mood most of the week. I had a linear algebra test that I studied intensely for, and I failed it. I didn't study as hard for the first two tests, and I didn't do as bad. I felt like I knew my shit, and I failed anyway. I was not pleased.

I put those things in the side bar because I like them and use them, not because I make any money for it. I have not (yet) begged you to clickclickclick....when I reach that point you will hear groveling.

I watched Ranma 1/2 today because I seldom fail to be cheered up by it. I listened to Floyd and sketched out the start of plans for my redesign on this page and a little for a redesign of the St. Chris Page that my mother is maintaining. I can make it easier and nicer looking. I know I can. I did linear algebra homework partly because its due tomorrow, partly because I'm scared I'm going to fail the final on Monday.

I've never been this afraid of a final. I've never been this unsure if I was going to fail or not. When I got my D in Orgo I had already given up. I had changed my major and the class didn't count anymore besides. I need linear. If I fail I have to take it again. If I get a D, I have to take it again. I do NOT want to have to take this boring as hell math class again. But, to quote my sister "This will be the last math class I ever take, even if I have to take it twice."

Check out that imagine radio thing in the side bar. They rule. I like the idea. Free music is cool.

I am still stressed, but I feel better. I wrote most of my resume, did stuff and things, my car is clean, I have blank CDs, and I am well rested and well fed. I could use another shower because it was hot today, but I don't smell like a foot yet. My nails are growing in. My skin is clear. My bras fit.

I got my yellow belt on Monday. I was so nervous for the test that I tried to squeak out a noise when we needed to make a noise and no sound passed my lips, just a little whoosh of air. Then I said to myself "Damn, I didn't make any noise. Should I try again?" I didn't try again. I just took a deep breath and moved on. I was almost removed from how nervous I was. I looked down at myself and saw my arm shaking and I though "Shit, I'm so nervous I'm shaking. I should try to stop that."

The scary thing was that I did manage to stop it. I finished the test then sat down and my pals told me I did well. We got our actual belts on Wednesday, and we all said goodbye to each other. I made a few friends in that class. It was a lot of fun taking a class with all other girls. It was very comfortable.

Men suck. You hear me?! MEN SUCK!!!

...well, most of them anyway. Some of them kill spiders for you. Hero work.

Spiders -- The Rant

I'm IN the goddamm video games now. All the little spiders you have to squash leading up to the big scary boss spider that eats your head off. I must be getting closer because there's so freakin' many of them now. Too many I have to say. They're BREEDING in my kitchen. The only things allow to breed in the kitchen are the paying tenents, and the Twinkies. NOTHING ELSE! Out! Out of my house you fucking bugs! Damned eight-legged freaky things that have no right existing in my universe! Out! I will exterminate them before I move out for summer. Friday I may have to clean my room thoughroughly. Vacuum the walls and crap like that. Get them damned bugs to run out so I can stomp them flat with my white Nike's and then swoosh them up with the sucking wind machine. A plan is forming, for certain. Looking forward to a wild and free-love buggy summer, eh? Try again chitin-encased bastards!!! Have your Bugapalooza in someone else's home!!!!

I see the light at the end of the tunnel...someone please tell me it's not a train....