I've just escaped from my chains and will attempt a call for help. Unbeknownst to the owner of this journal page, I am covertly adding to this entry in the journal of Katarina The Secret Double Agent. Last night I was kidnapped and taken by force by a petite yet "vigorous and attractive" blonde ( Agent Katarina ). She, using guerrilla tactics that she assumably learned in one of her Ninja level, cult of Bill Gates supporting CS classes, coerced me, (a meager, defenseless, 198lb, yellow belt) into slugging back multiple alcoholic beverages while the drone of The Zoo pounded on my skull like the Chinese water torture.

Later, Katarina’s getaway driver Mario Andretti (A.K.A Perky), pushed her almost paid off, yet still under her parents name, escape vehicle to the brink of warp speed in an attempt to get us back to The Double Agent Chalet before we had actually left (earlier that evening). Crossing all of the street lines of both sides of a divided highway going in one direction, probably testing whether I could be made seasick on dry land, we did arrive home unscathed. Then I was taken at gunpoint, (or at the point of a very menacing looking finger with the thumb up in the air in the universal symbol for pistol), to “The Freezer” . The Freezer is an extremely cold room in a structure that is close in proximity to The Double Agent Chalet, probably a room very similar to my bedroom. There I was exposed to unusual torture techniques, most of which I was actually very fond of......

At 2:30am a band of Secret Secret Double Double Agents from someplace in Switzerland attempted a daring rescue to save one of there co-operatives (me). The rescue operation was a failure. The cunning Katarina threw down a trick can of Beefaroni, when the can hit the ground it exploded spewing up an intense cloud of smoke. The smoldering can imitation noodle goo and cow’s meat byproduct allowed the dastardly Katarina to escape with me still under capture.

Katarina will probably return soon. So, I must bid you farewell. Please someone send word to my agent friends. I am being held captive not against my will.....Help?

Secret Secret Double Double Agent CODE NAME: The Boy Next Door